Saturday, April 30, 2011

what I have been up to...

a painted mermaid head...
mermaids in process..
cardinal pillows
I love learning new things..
This is what I have been up to.
A special order for a friend!

Wild Talents Promo Video

We are playing on June 17th for the Indie Summer Series on Fountain Square.
You should come!

Sunday, May 1st
Dirge for Bones
in Northside
See you there!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Radical Love

It was raining. Again. A dreary Spring morning, cloud full of grey skies and downpours with every wind gust. Through the open window, I could hear our town waking up.

My trusty feline companion watching the birds fly past her perch, longing, I am sure, for a hunt! I watch her as she watches them, she is crouched, sleek, silent.
She has never stepped foot outside.
My experience tells a story of cats before her. It's a small stage with two acts-

Act 1
The cat goes outside and drinks anti-freeze from behind the neighbors garage.

Act 2
In the garden, I discover a cat corpse stiff, covered in the morning's dew.

A short story, seemingly two acts wouldn't be long enough to hold any interest, but you are filling in the blanks and maybe, if you are like me, wanting to know more. There isn't any more to tell. I hate that story. So, she stays indoors.

I am learning from my mistakes.
The idea of a radical love, of the sweetest love, ever present in a fairytale, dances in my heart. Where there used to be a longing and searching for it, I now know I have had it all along. Not from a charming prince or a talking horse or even a little cat with big, sweet eyes. I was born with it inside of me and I was made to share it. So were you.

How deep is radical love?
Cities were given up for it.
Treasures were cast aside.
A son was sacrificed.
The world could fall away and radical love would still be there.

One more thing...radical love is not my concept! I know, I know, I wish it was.
We all have it in us. When you mount that bike this morning, when you pick out your best city hall face to put on, while you brush your teeth and rush out the door to a destination, radical love is pulsating through you, through me. I can give it to anyone who crosses my path, really. I don't want to be selfish with my radical love, I won't hide it under unkind words and actions, I'm gonna unleash it on everyone I see or talk to.
I'm so glad Hannah is up, I'm gonna go give her some!
Who are you giving your radical love to today?

"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end — Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That's how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you."Isaiah 43:1b-4 (The Message)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

ghost under rocks

There is a new link at the top of my page to Bones' site.
Please visit and let his spirit live on.

In light of tomorrow, in light of today...

my friend, IK, got me this fantastic gift a little while back!
Then, I heard this on a playlist at work today...

Have I told you how much Ra Ra Riot can turn my frown upside down?
There are mermaids swimming all over my studio...

Monday, April 25, 2011

I made Hobbes for a friend...a big one and a small one.

Today, I got my acceptance email to The City Flea!
IF you don't know what that means, you will...

Friday, April 22, 2011

my happy life

I have an honesty problem. When I write here, it helps me to work out the stories that haunt me, the past I have overcome and the future that can be so daunting. I write from my heart and my words are like purging when I have taken in too much to handle.
These lights that begin dimly can grow so bright, like spotlights on faults and weakness. I like those lights, they help me grow. I am not always aware the way they come across or how they can affect the ones I love.
So, sometimes, I write about past relationships in ways that may invigorate me, but pain others to read. I tell my story to anyone who wants to hear it. That story has a struggle in it that is particularly painful to those closest to me. On my part, I feel it needs to be told. Maybe I am too graphic or I expose myself to you and don't think about how it may make you feel. I don't want to hold back or censor myself and I won't.
These words I put out here are not always for the faint of heart or the sensitive, they just are. If I offend you or if you closely scrutinize them and think I have told too much, I am sorry for the way you feel. I know there is a purpose to it all and the whole story has yet to be written. I can't wait to see how it unfolds!

John 4:41, "And because of his words many more became believers." (NIV)

Thursday, April 21, 2011

the truth

It's a spark
It's a shot in the dark
It's a very tiny sound

It's a word
It's one that no one heard
It's a scuffed out print on the ground

One perfect letter
In a book
I hear the Truth is out there
I'm not sure where to look

It's a chord
It's a tune that has no words
It's the smallest sound in the world

It's a voice
It's the final verse
It's a chorus waiting to be heard

One perfect letter
In a book
You tell me where's the fire
I say I'll bring the wood

It's a spark
It's a shot in the dark
You tell me where's the fire
I say I'll bring the wood

-Wild Talents "Spark"

The Truth is perception, mine and yours. The Truth will set you free. The Truth will handcuff and beat you. The Truth is a mystery. The Truth is unclear. The Truth is a promise. The Truth is a lie. The Truth is whatever you want it to be. The Truth is felt in hearts. The Truth is hidden in pockets. The Truth is captured in moments in minds. The Truth is distorted, twisted, bent. The Truth is what there is when everything else is gone. The Truth started it all in the first place. The Truth saves us all. The Truth takes the blame. The Truth gives. The Truth takes away. The Truth is perfect love. The Truth is I hate you.
If the Truth is all of these and none of these, what is the Truth really?

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

there will never be another quite like you, Bones..

Monday morning is never a great time for me, I wake up early to get my kids ready for school and I am not nice until I have at least one cigarette and 2 cups of coffee. They might tell you it's two cigs and one coffee, but if they said that to me in the morning, it would start a fight! Every day, I check my email, read a devotional and say prayers, sometimes short, sometimes long, mostly thanking God I woke up today and asking him to help me stay sober and do his will, not mine. I have bad will, so his is a better way to go than mine. People who know me can attest to my track record- my will is selfish and chaotic. His isn't.

At 7:30, my oldest catches the bus and, after numerous checks of teeth brushing and backpack inventory, I have the rest of the day to get my to do list done and hang out with my daughter. There's usually a grocery trip or a project involved, FB'ing, phone calls, appointments, whatever. You know, I'm a busy mom. I have a sewing business. I'm in a band. I spend a lot of time being focused on tasks and checking them off the list. In between all of that, I am learning how to live my life without drinking alcohol and taking drugs.

My sober life is so much different than the life I lived before.
Almost four years ago, I was addicted to heroin and my kids lived with their grandparents. Rehab stays every six months had become routine and I couldn't get out of bed without the reality of my habit controlling everything I did. My friends had tired of me, my family was broken and I was trying to escape a lifetime of living with my narcissistic, selfish self by drowning inside.

This Monday morning, I got some devastating news. Heartbreaking news. The kind of news that makes you throw up and scream at the same time. The kind I haven't gotten in quite awhile.

About 5 months ago, I ran into an old friend at Mayday. I saw him from across the room, sitting by the fire outside. Bones was always handsome and sweet, with a grin that could light up a room. Mischievous eyes, dry wit humor, I related to him the first time we met. Over the years, he had gotten tattooed from the neck on down. When we lived in side by side rooms, I remember discovering new ones I hadn't seen before.
I walked over to where he was sitting, a little trepidacious at first. When you drink like I did and do things like I did, I am never really sure if I'll be welcomed with hugs and love or spit and punches- I have learned it can go either way. Hoping for the best, I approached him. Looking up at me, he gave the biggest smile and a sweep me off my feet hug!

We talked for a bit, catching up about his travels, my kids and how his dog, Shady was doing. We smiled and laughed and exchanged phone numbers. We promised to get together soon.
When I spend time with someone, staying up late nights and talking, building a friendship over years, I often wonder if I am delusional about my feelings. I mean, I am delusional about a lot of things. I wonder if I build things up in my head and sometimes, the reality is, I have. I am happy I am not always so delusional when it comes to my friends.

Over the next couple of weeks, we talked on the phone, we met up at shows and by chance, we'd see each other. Always warm and familiar, like the Converse I have been wearing for many years, he'd ask me about being sober and tell me about his struggles with not drinking. I listened because I am his friend. I shared what had happened in my life since he had been out west to get me to a place where sobriety seemed like not only the best option, but the only one. He would call me before he drank and, sometimes, after.
Some nights, when it was really late, I didn't answer.
Other nights, I did.

I was at the tavern for a rock n roll show a few weeks ago and ran into him, drinking coffee and looking a little rough. Surprised to see him with a coffee in his hands, our greeting quickly followed with talk about AA and not drinking. I told him I had been praying for him and he thanked me. Then he did something he has never done before. He told me he was so proud of me and thanked me for being friends. He told me he understood the nights I didn't answer. I told him I love you and he said I love you, too. We'd shared some pretty intimate moments before, but none compare to this brief exchange. I felt a little teary. I introduced him to some of my friends. He laughed when I called him David and corrected me with "don't tell them my name is David, tell them it is Bones".

Sometime Sunday night, Bones had some trouble brewing. True to his character, he drank a little too much, he defended a friend and he got himself into some trouble.
The difference this time is that the trouble was bigger and with really bad people. Whatever happened that night, only they know. The result is that my friend of a lifetime died.

Today, I cried for a long time. I looked at pictures and talked to old friends and remembered who Bones is and why he is so loved. It felt good, it felt sad.
I know the pain and the heartbreak I feel today will subside a little over time.
Keep sharing those memories and stay positive.
I am the luckiest girl in the world. I have beautiful friends, some whom I have spent a lifetime with and others I am just meeting.
I love every single one of you and I don't want a day to go by when I don't tell you.
I'm glad I got to tell Bones.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I see the Light...

Green Eyed Owly
For the Love of Bones...a skeleton with a Heart.
I made these.
I watched Tangled an average of four times a day this week.
I can now sing every song.
I cry every time Flynn Rider and Rapunzel watch the lanterns.

Monday, April 11, 2011

we got it so good

I want to be kind and see you the way Jesus sees you.

James 4:14b, "What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." (NIV)

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


I made a faux booth table last night just for fun...
I am a dork, yes. And I am focusing on making new stuff, trying new things and learning as much as I can about honing my craft skills. I mean, I know how to sew, but there is so much more to learn to sew better, sew more and sew exceptional things!
My new favorite, of course, is the Skeleton Man.

Look for more like him to come.

I am having an Etsy sale to raise money for my entrance fees for The City Flea, shall I be accepted. If you mention my blog or facebook, I will give you $5 off anything in my Etsy shop. Sale started yesterday, April 5th, 2011 and will go until April 12th, 2011.

If you haven't thought about Spring with all of it's Easter and Mother's Day gifts to buy, now is the time! If you don't shop with me, I will at the very least encourage you to buy local or buy from an artist. Etsy is a great place to shop and they have a "buy local" section.

Sunday, April 3, 2011