Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Here are some of the Owlys I made for Gifts...

these are before they get stuffed full and stitched up. My Etsy shop is empty of Owls, so I will take a break for a couple of days and then I must keep going. I am fighting the urge to fire up the machine right now.

I promised the kids we would go to see Tangled today and maybe go to the museum...

sometimes, I just wanna sew!

I have been listening to Broken Social Scene and Future Trends a lot. Also, Dead Man's Bones. I can't seem to shake that one loose.

What I have been searching for is a fine Otis Redding LP...

I love you! Talk later!

where love grows

This is my work desk. As you can see, I have two habits I haven't been able to shake- they get me through some arduous projects. Diet Coke and Smokes.

I have inspiration galore and I love to sit at this art table and create. It's where it all starts, where ideas become actions! I am sitting here right now as I type this. Hannah is laying on the bed watching the Heffalump movie. My sewing machine rests behind me with a well deserved break.

The Holidays are always busy, but when I start each day at this table with prayer and meditation, nothing seems too hectic or to unforgiving. When Jesus died for me, he took all that with him. All I have to do is thank him and praise him! I can do that by using the gifts he gave me and being kind and giving to the world. I hope I am doing a good job!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

This is Owly SpaceStar!

I made her out of scrap fabric. I suspect she likes David Bowie the most. Born 12-14-10.

Don't you want to ask her how she got the Stars in her eyes?

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Owl City

I haven't posted in a bit cos i have been working on many projects!

These are my Owls from Owl City.

I recently opened an Etsy shop and these Owls are all for sale there. I am also making these for Christmas gifts!

I have made soooo many....they are made from repurposed and new materials. I love each one, so it's hard to put them up, but I also don't want to work at my job a whole heck of a lot, so I am working on extra income for the kid activities and what not. Also, I want some music equipment and the cashola for it is hard to come by. :)

I am gonna post some more creations when I get the pictures ready...light is so important!

i love mermaids!

We are the resident band at MOTR next month...that's pretty fantastic, dontcha think!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

another doll!

This is Hannah's doll...I didn't make it this week and she has a face and hair now...I guess I should take some pics of it!

and then there was...

The Mermaid Doll....

I love mermaids! This one is a version to be played with, although I made one recently for my friend, Kelly, that is what some may refer to as an "art doll". I think that term is irrelevant as life is art and everything made is art. I am also not fond of the separation of art and craft...

nonetheless, I love making dolls!

I hung out with my niece, Charlotte last night and was informed the doll I made her for her birthday has quickly become her favorite! She takes it everywhere with her! That pleases me! When I gave it to her with a matching dress, she was not enthused. But she's 2 and they are enthused by Elmo so...I have tough competition!

This doll will be completed this weekend. If you were wondering, I made my own "pattern", which means I draw out what I want it to look like then start cutting my fabric according to my drawings. I have no patience for store bought patterns and my ideas aren't usually the same as pattern designs, so I just go for it. Wing it, if ya will.
She is stuffed with cotton balls because they are cheaper than poly fill and small enough to work with.

and on the first day, she made...

Here is my first creation this week....
a kickass kick drum cover for Adam's drum!

It embodies Wild Talents, don't you think?

there is now a bass cabinet cover in progress...mostly, i just have the muslin measured out. I will paint it tomorrow.

I am slightly obsessed with black birds. Ravens and crows. I like the folklore surrounding them and I especially like that they are guardian birds. Myth says they are evil, but true folklore begs to differ and so do I. The Natives believe they are spirit animals and I am cool with that. Whenever I see a group of them in the parking lot when I pul into my parking space at work, I believe they are like "don't forget we are here to remind you to have a great day". Thanks for that, Big Black Birds!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

making things

polymer clay
rubber stamp
ink pad
poked holes

Psalm 13:5, "But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation." (NIV)

Monday, November 8, 2010

I have not posted in soooo long! but I feel like I am going to commit a couple of things to me...

I am super obsessed with making all the gifts I give for the Holidays myself....and repurposing pretty much everything. I look at piles of stuff and dream about what they could be turned into. So, I have fav blogs I follow and I can spend 2 hours browsing all my fav ideas and brand new ones. The time has come, tho, for some action! and some regrouping. new commitment is 30 days of handmade, repurposed creations. If I can do one a day, I will have plenty of gifts to give, right? and maybe a feel good from making so much awesome stuff out of things we would have thrown away...

Firstly, tho...
I'm gonna need to clean up my work space and organize some stuff.

I have to not make everything all at once, which is very hard for me!
I am so known for starting 5 things and leaving huge messes for weeks on end.

Who am I kidding...months sometimes.
in the case of my awesome Halloween tree...2 years ! Yep- 2 years of moving it from the dining room to the basement to the backporch to the basement to the laundry room. My fam is so tired of looking at it,. I think we were all relieved when it was FINIS!

Really, I am baffled by how other people stay is the hardest of hard things for me to do. I make lists and piles...
starting today, I am going to do the things on my list, which means I have to simplify and not make the list irrationally. There are so many things I want to do, so maybe making half the list what I need to do to have a nice, clean house and then the fun things that are also for others. Half and half- that should do it!

Here are some great pictures of my awesome Haunted Yard! Halloween is so fun!

Friday, September 17, 2010

the Bully

I get all crazy trying to work some stuff out. I will roll numbers in my head until they no longer make sense. I will obsess on where our paychecks will go. I budget our money and depend on my good brain to do so. It is very rare that I ask God for help in this area of my life. I take classes and copy worksheets, I plan for our savings and all the things i think we need. What I do for my family in this way is not relying on God at all, but on myself. Today, I am going to rely on God to guide me in all things financial.

Tomorrow, I may forget.

I must make habits of relying on God. I am trying to quit smoking and by try I mean I dream about it, time out smoke breaks, only smoke outside (mostly) and buy nicotine replacement therapy. What I don't do is ask God to take it from me....I swear I heard God sigh at me yesterday and say go buy the darn gum then. Let's see if that will help, at least it's a start. I did it. Maybe it is a start. I smoked 8 cigarettes instead of 30. I prayed a little, not a lot. In my experience, God will help me if I ask him to so sometimes, when I am on the fence, I just don't ask. He knows my heart and watches me struggle. I'd like to think he may even laugh at me. But sometimes, he gets stern and that's when I know he is saying you are going to quit doing this...somehow, someway I know I will, too. Right now, I am just being stubborn...

The rest of my head is thinking about Will and bullying. The bus stop was a bad place to be this morning and I watched as the other kids made a circle around my son and encouraged a girl to punch him in the stomach. I felt the rage welling up inside of me as she hit him. Then I walked over and calmly asked her to walk up the street to talk to her mom. I want to control this situation, but I know I can't. It hurts to watch it, but this is one I know I must let God handle. My son needs to learn some lessons and so do these other kids. I can't not do anything and let it happen, I also can't control other people. Please help me see the treasures in each of these situations, God and help me see the lessons you have made just for me.

I miss IK.

Matthew 6:25-27, "That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life--whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are?" (NLT)

Monday, August 23, 2010

i am the smallest

I am the smallest person looking up at a big sky....the air i breathe miraculously fills my lungs. i didn't tell it to, it just happens. i don't have to think about it, it just is. my whole body is the first example, the whole world is the second, to me....

Psalm 78:7, "That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments." (KJV)

Monday, August 9, 2010

i dream of...

a serger. a better way of giving my sewing projects a better life....

I have the most beautiful little machine, she will be 18 this year. A gift from my mother because "every girl needs a sewing machine.." maybe meant quit using mine or really, every girl does need a good sewing machine. i use her at least once a week and she is sturdy and dependable, but she doesn't have a serger. i like her stitches and even her moments when she spits thread back out at me as if she's laughing at my limited abilities. a serger would probably make her life a little easier and give me better options for things like....

a serger. a better way of giving my sewing projects a better life....

dolls for little girls...

...with matching dresses!

pillows for boys who won't wear dresses....

maybe even new kitchen curtains...

there just always seems to be something the handstitching makes crossbones look like arms...or maybe it's all just a little sideways. if i spent less time with my old machine, i could spend more time in iphoto, learning how to edit my blog posts...

Friday, August 6, 2010

the inspiration God made just for me...

..because he loves me so much!

"Religion was an attempt to pin down the Divine. The Divine was eternally in flux, forever moving, shifting shape. That was its nature. It was absolute, true enough: absolutely mobile. Absolutely transcendent goddess aspects, but it was ultimately no more male or female than it was star or screwdriver. It was the sum of all those things, but that sum could never be chalked on a slate. The Divine was beyond description, beyond knowing, beyond comprehension. To say that the Divine was Creation divided by Destruction was as close as one could come to definition. But the puny of soul, the dull of wit, weren’t content with that. They wanted to hang a face on the Divine. They went so far as to attribute petty human emotions [anger, jealousy, etc.] to it, not stopping to realize that if God were a being, even a supreme being, our prayers would have bored him to death long ago."
-"Skinny Legs and All" by Tom Robbins

"Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me." Psalm 66:16 (NIV)

Monday, August 2, 2010

blowing my mind..

..the music curled over me in waves, my arm hair stood at attention, there was a possibility of my beating heart exploding out of my chest..

one crash after another, as i start to sink, i am pulled back up to the bubbling surface...the sheer force cannot be reckoned with, only surrendered to. Love in it's finest moments.

Monday, July 19, 2010

creating time for creating...

I woke up this morning and felt a little lost. See, I have been kinda fuzzy when it comes to what I want to do with my days. I get up, make some coffee, smoke some cigarettes, make breakfast for everyone, clean up that breakfast, feed dogs and a cat, clean my home....some days I make a list. I go to the market, I wash and fold clothes- I almost never put them away..and what I long for is another 8 hours every day to do other things! I feel like summer is slipping thru my fingers and we never swim enough, ride bikes enough, or create enough.

Man, I put some pressure on myself. It is no big wonder I have a headache! So, I opened my email this morning- which I do in between breakfast and cleaning up breakfast :) and lo- two different emails about creativity- the God given gift that we all have. One about an article in Newsweek about bringing creativity back into curriculum in our schools and not just in the art room. The other, a devotional about feeling a lack of creativity when we aren't close to God.

I will spend time reading your blog about what you are doing to fill your days with creation, i will read magazine articles or go to see your creativity. But when it comes to mine, I may think another load of laundry trumps sewing today, but it really doesn't. I can do both if I just get off this electronic time sucker sitting on my kitchen counter. If i limit myself to how much time I will look at others masterpieces and devote some of that time to creating my own. And sharing that creativity with my family so my kids don't grow into the couch....

Proverbs 31:13, "She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands." (NIV)

Friday, July 16, 2010


WE played our second show last night at the Witler House...with Bear (the Ghost) who is our friend, Robbie.

The Kodaks, who are amazing and wonderful...

and, of course, our friend, Andrew,....Future Trends!

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."
Philippians 4:8-9 (NIV)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

good morning, campers!

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way." Psalm 139:23-24

How am i reading a blog about Camp Ernst today and crying? Oh, because there is joy in my heart seeing who Will is surrounded by this week! Such Love and wow! and how!

Friday, July 9, 2010

I'm a drip

Proverbs 27:15, "A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day." (NIV)

I have been a constant drip...I don't like it when things don't go my way, when I can't exhibit total control..I struggle with it all the time. Just today, I am sitting in a puddle of jealousy and bitterness. I need to get over myself, really. I guess I should go make something. Maybe Love someone extra specially and remember my purpose does not include sitting in those puddles for long. Quick puddle visits remind me of what I can be like and what I don't want to be like...

Monday, July 5, 2010

if not now, when?

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness."

Zechariah 7:9, "This is what the LORD Almighty says: 'Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another.'" (NIV)

Revolution is not bringing a canvas bag to the grocery or voting for the lesser of two evils. I can't download it in the safety of my home. For me, it isn't a molotov cocktail either. For you, it might be. I have dreams of a safe, easy revolution that fits around my babysitters schedule and where I still can get health insurance. That is a surreal dream not based in reality, of course. I see simple movements of DIY and community forming, breathing in pockets of our fair city and it gives me hope. Maybe that's how a revolution starts, in small, simple movements that begin to grow.

What does your revolution look like?

Friday, July 2, 2010


driving in your car, blazing eagle on the hood
i feel like dancing, said i feel good

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

My Earthly Father

I am troubled by many things, earthly things, when I am not trusting and relying on God. Now, don't get me wrong, even when my faith is strong and I know in my heart that God will work it all out, one way or another, I can still think about the bothersome world around me. The difference is that I am not pushing my will around like a steam roller, flattening everything in my path to get my way. I understand that I do not always see the big picture.

I have spent a bit of time with my relatives and it can be truly painful. I watch the squabble and self-induced drama. I stand back, glad to be able to keep a safe distance from it all. Then, I go home and I am so thankful for my family that isn't like that.

This week, I have gotten to sit at my dad's bedside while he is in the hospital. For many years, my dad and I did not see eye to eye, mostly because my dad wasn't taking opiates and I was. It is very hard to see eye to eye with anyone when you are high and they are not. This caused me to believe my father doesn't love me very much. It turns out we didn't really know each other very well. (the same can be said about my relationship with my other Father, the heavenly one, but I wanna talk about my dad right now. ) In a room alone, the two of us, talking and laughing, we learned some things about each other. I know where I get my dry and often dark sense of humor from. I know I am intense because he is. There are so many things about his life I want to know. Watching him struggle shows me time is precious. The life changes I have been given have lead me straight here- I cannot ignore the constraints of time and human bodies. I will make the drive to spend time with the ones I love. It shouldn't take a catastrophe to bring me to it. Just sometimes it does.

I could now go into a big tirade about the oil spill and how it changes things, but that would just be too much for one day. Besides, I wanna have something to talk to my dad about tonight!

1 Kings 19:11-13, "The LORD said, 'Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by. Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake.
After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, 'What are you doing here, Elijah?'" (NIV)

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

kid love

I could hear the small child-like voice singing on the other side of the door, the same song "butterfly, butterfly something, something fly". I couldn't make out two of the words, but the song repeated every 30 seconds, right outside my front door.

"butterfly, butterfly, fly through the sky"

I opened the door, expecting a person and there was my daughters new bike. Someone had put batteries in it while I was out and had turned it into a singing bike! I smiled at the little pink bike, a little rough around the edges and as Hannah put it "a tricycle, for liitle babies, not for big girls" but when we tried to take it back, she changed her tune.

See, the bike was brought home for Hannah by her brother after a long two week stay at his relatives in Kentucky. His Grandmother had given it to him for her and I like to imagine how Will & MeMe came to the conclusion that he would be bringing this singing bike home for his little sister here in Ohio. I am proud that he was thinking of her while he was away. We don't always talk about how he feels when he is away, but the actions say more than we can anyway.

For Hannah, it was easy to hug her big brother and tell him she missed him. She's 3 and has a knack for those kinds of things. The bike was a 9 year old boys way of saying "I missed you, too. And I love you." What he said out loud was "Here, let me show you how this thing works, it's really cool!"

Psalm 27:13, "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living."

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

smells like...victory

Galatians 5:14, "The entire law is summed up in a single command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

I stayed up late last night working on a painting. It has some pretty intense details and the small version I worked on took quite a bit of I know this one will be a long haul painting. It's good for me because I do not think about myself when I am painting.I do, however, have the tendency to think of myself immediately when I wake up. I go into "it's not fair" mode, like a small child, usually lasting through my first 2 cups of coffee and a smoke. So, I have been trying to change that by doing devotionals as soon as I get up. And writing here, too. Sometimes, I think why am I bothering? Then I have to remind myself I am selfish and fearful and I need to rid myself of that thinking first thing in the morning if today is gonna be the greatest day ever...

with Spongebob Squarepants enthusiasm, I sing his little song to myself..."cos it's the BEST DAY EVER!!" do do da do do da do do da do...

I shouldn't watch the news, it turns my head into a mixing bowl of nice and mean. I then think of all the ways I would change the world. AND THEN...I spend some time looking at earth houses and reading about Ron Paul online. With small bits of info, I will twist all of that up in my head and what comes out usually doesn't make much sense. It is goobledy gook in it's purest form. If I get pulled over, they would find a rolling gobbledy gook lab in my car. "It's a good thing we caught her when we did because this is pure form gobbledy gook and she was headed to work to share it with her co-workers." Gobbledy gook stinks. It tastes like Hubert Cumberdale, soot and poo.

Instead, I will share love with everyone I meet today. It is my duty to smile and be nice, to hand out coffee with paint stained hands and not talk about the gulf oil spill or the horrible weather. I could say "You are a child of the Father and he loves you, so I love you." but the Bucks won't let you say all of that. They cannot stop me from thinking that, only I can. My will is not mine, I do not direct it. My name will never roll at the end of the credits of my life and say I wrote, produced , edited or directed. It will say I was in the movie, just not the star of the show.

Friday, June 18, 2010

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:11-13).

My fascination with all things airplane has surprised me. Two engine small planes fly over my house daily. At almost anytime , I can look up into the sky and see one, an advantage of living very close to a small airfield. I dream of flying in one, learning to pilot one, maybe even owning one someday. I can feel the wing brush close as I step under it, I can feel a hot breeze as I open the door and I can see the dash with all of it's dials and doohickeys. I close my eyes and picture myself swinging a small backpack into the seat and climbing up into the plane. I am seeing myself pilot.

It's a vivid fantasy! Almost as if I just woke up to it, even though it's always been here inside.

When I tell MDH about this dream, he smirks a little. "How are you going to fly a plane without any valium?"
It's a valid question. THe last plane ride I took, I was so terrified, so full of "anxiety", I had to be heavily medicated. The fear of someone else being in control had me spinning. The fear I had attributed to flying in a large commercial plane was not true fear of flying, it was just easier to manifest it that way, It would take years for me to discover that the fear was bigger than that, the fear had been growing inside of me for so long and I had nurtured it and let it grow. It became a fear of anything outside of my comfort zone where heavy medication was my co-pilot. I could not enjoy anything while that fear was guiding me. While I relied on humans, my fear would continue to keep me from happiness.

Today, I lay on a beach towel and watch the planes. I drive by the airport where the hand-painted sign reads "Learn to Fly". I remember the book "Illusions The Adventure of a Reluctant Messiah" by Richard Bach.

"In the cloud-washed airspace between the cornfields of Illinois and blue infinity, a man puts his faith in the propeller of his biplane. For disillusioned writer and itinerant barnstormer Richard Bach, belief is as real as a full tank of gas and sparks firing in the cylinders...until he meets Donald Shimoda--former mechanic and self-described messiah who can make wrenches fly and Richard's imagination soar....In Illusions, the unforgettable follow-up to his phenomenal bestseller Jonathan Livingston Seagull, Richard Bach takes to the air to discover the ageless truths that give our souls wings: that people don't need airplanes to soar...that even the darkest clouds have meaning once we lift ourselves above them... and that messiahs can be found in the unlikeliest places--like hay fields, one-traffic-light midwestern towns, and most of all, deep within ourselves."

It's a possibility that reading this book while I was in rehab for the 6th time, a long-term, lock yourself away kind of place, that this dream was brought out of subconscious hibernation and has been fueled for the past three years with my own spiritual growth. I feel like I am flying! I am already in the plane, letting God be my co-pilot. And everyone knows the co-pilot is really the one in control. I am like a little kid with the pretend steering wheel in the car seat behind her Father, pretending to drive, but when I take my hands off the wheel, the vessel steers, driven by the Father and I go exactly where he wants me to go. I quit trying to direct and control and I have learned to fly. The fear is gone!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

you are the light of the world

Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" (NIV)

"There is a light and it never goes out..."-the Smiths

Yesterday, I talked to a good friend who's father passed away. Her mom had passed when she was very young and she is still young. I can't remember what it is called, maybe sitting with someone who's had a family member pass, it is a term that escapes me. Still, I went to sit with her and talk about her dad. I really like her dad, he is funny and tells grand stories. Or he smokes a lot and listens to us.

Then a friend I have had since I can remember called to talk about her partner who can't stop drinking. She wanted to know what to do. She has waited 4 long years as he drinks himself to oblivion night by night. She is afraid of losing him, afraid of enabling him and afraid for their future.

A family member on MDH's side is suffering through the same ordeal, only her struggle has lasted a lifetime. Her husband goes to the psych ward and jail regularly. She can't live in the same house with him. He drinks vodka all day long. She wishes he would just smoke pot because the vodka makes him mean.

In the past, I would not have been available to these friends. I would have been on my way to oblivion by any means neccessary. Today, I can share experience, strength and hope with each of the women in my life. I also have grand stories. My experience shows me that God has laid out a beautiful path for me. Each struggle is a learning opportunity. I talked to my mom who was struggling with family drama and gossip and she is a light that never goes out- she said these are all little tests for me to show love and learn God's lessons. I, too, am a light. A beacon in a stormy world! I must get up in the morning and let my light shine so when the opportunities come, I can lean on God and let others know they can, too. I do not have to be a fanatic or evangelical. If I Trust & Rely on God, that will always be enough. He will do the rest.

Monday, June 14, 2010

the desires of my heart

My words are great swords, lashing and tearing. I wield them in hurtful ways, bitterness and suspicion, jealousy and resentment. I am a beastly girl, my heart full of soot. you are the enemy, you are in the way. my heavy boots trudge...

my words are great swords, powerful and protective. I lift you up with songs from my heart, love and patience, kindness and tolerance. I am a beautiful girl, my heart full of joy. you are my friend, you i love deeply. my dancing shoes carry me, floating, handholding....

Sunday, June 13, 2010

writing makes the heart beat

I found this quite by accident, but I was so intrigued by her 30 days of writing that it prompted me to start writing, too. Now, I wanna share it, scream it from rooftops.... tag/words/

also, a book by Denis Johnson "Jesus' Son" passed on to me from my dear pal, Steve. I could not put it down and the stories dance in my head still. I think I may have even retained what I least for a couple of days. I have fried brains.

true love ways

Psalm 36:5, "Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies." (NIV)

I have been waking up each morning with some grouchiness. I am a hard sleeper and I don't like to wake up early even though I do everyday. One of my favorite things to do is wake up to coffee and a smoke on my back deck. I stare at our swimming pool and wish i was doing laps. I have never gotten up early and just dove in. This is the summer that all of my hearts desires are met- this is the summer of love- this is the summer that God has given me to do all of the things I have ever dreamed of doing!!

This doesn't mean I will go on wild shopping sprees or buy expensive is a bigger treasure than money can buy! It is a cry to create and do, not just sit on my laurels in a chair all day making lists of what I want to do and then watching TV. God has called me to action! He says if I want to dive in the pool in the morning, then I should dive in the pool in the morning. I should not look first for floating spiders, I should just stand on the board, check my form and then raise my arms high above my head and dive! deep into the cool water, it's what i long for. a cool and deep living water...

Oh, and how!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

why i cry when i watch transformers 2...

it's not what you think...i actually love the sequel! i will probably love the next one, too! it's the signifigance of a reconstructed life (mine) and how Optimus Prime embodies change that brings the tears. I tried to explain it out loud a couple of times this week. Once to MDH, who knows I will rave and rant about anything that inspires me to tears and does a commendable job at following or attempting to follow said rants. I think mostly he nods yes and smiles at me so i think he's listening and possibly understanding. Then, I shared with some of fellow work friends. They all seem to be laughing on the outside of the joke that isn't a joke. Every once in awhile, i think LQ gets it, but I know I don't make sense to them.

The rant went something like this...Optimus makes this speech about our worlds working together blaha blah blah but really I hear we can make a difference, we can change things and what if small handfuls of people start small by cutting up there credit cards and stop relying on loans and credit and start building our own small worlds where bartering is acceptable and we trade for what we need. you need your house painted, we need veggies from your garden, instead of putting money out there, we trade and exchange. Soon, you have what you need and i stop wanting for things that aren't makes more sens e in my head, i guess....

Sunday, May 9, 2010

i wanna fly like..


I don't even like flying in a commercial airplane, i feel like i have relinquished all control to some guy who may or may not have had too many cocktails at the airport bar. it's like getting into a large cab with hundreds of other people. i suspect it's similar to why i don't like movie theaters.

however, i did like the thrill of my first airplane ride in a small 12 passenger plane! it was terrifying in all the right ways for me! the fear was not of the flying, it was of the unknown. and i could see the pilot- he was sitting right in front of me. i am pretty sure he hadn't had a single cocktail that morning.

i wanna fly like colton. not the up in the air kind, the i went off the grid and exist only for my destined purposes flying! outlaw or criminal or folkhero, this kid is doing what he wants after being shat on by our world. every delusion is evident in his story. the mom who didn't raise him being interviewed, the friends who he left behind, but mostly a kid who , like most of us, is doing the best he can do with what he's been given. GO COLTON!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

today, we dance!


my pals at work played this song over n over n over n over....
and at first, i rolled my eyes. by the 5th time it played, i remembered that i like the blackeyed peas. i like the simpleness,
the catchiness, the way it makes me wanna jump up n down n bust out some bad ass dance moves. it's the perfect song when you don't
want to think, just dance. and then i went in the backroom and madonna's first album was playing. I felt the dejavu of dancing around
my room, getting ready to go to dance clubs with happy, dancing girls n boys...then i watched this video and got that feeling again.
I like that feeling! thank God for pop music!

Friday, April 16, 2010

thank you God

You have provided all I ever needed. You know my heart and each of its desires. You see through me into me and think I am good enough to live inside. You fill my ears with beautiful songs, you whisper the truth you want me to see. thank you for loving me just as I am, for believing in me!

Monday, April 12, 2010


this morning...

..i have no voice. it started as a slow burn 4 days ago, then it buried itself deep in my chest and festered there, until this morning, where it feels like a deep chest slow burn that Ripley couldn't rip out. Hence, I got to take a break from the drone of working for a large, corporate coffee chain and stay home today. problem is, I have no 3 year old daughter can't hear me, the dogs can't hear me and ironically?, the only thing that calms the burning beast is more burning, so i light a cigarette and drink some coffee. i know both of these things can't be good for my chest or throat, but without sufficient cause to stop, i will probably do both of these things every morning until i die.
the problematics of no voice are not that hard to deal with, unless you are a singer. then it gets tricky. i hope this will go away by tomorrow night- practice night. we couldn't practice last night due to current conditions in my throat. and last week, the same conditions existed in the head and sinuses of matt. i say practice, but what i really mean is play. and what i mean by play is live! there is something about the small room we rent filled with different musical apparatus that lends itself to my life...that lets me release all the hold downs, all the parental responsibilities thru the makes up for all the dishes washed, all the sweeping and mopping, all of the menu thinking and preparing, the frantic pickups and dropoffs, the decisions, oh, the decisions! when i stand in that little room or drape across a chair, waiting for the playback or the hunched over sketchbook writing, mostly the's like all the little locomotives of life are pushed along by this one big engine, reminding me of Gordon, the Big Blue Engine who gets many a small engine out of trouble on the Island of Sodor. Yes, it's a children's book reference...I have read them all many times.

For a time now, a common subject at the dinner table has been the Zombie Revolution. The topic ranges from survival to detailed ways in the bloodshed of Zombies. This can be accredited to a handful of games that Will is currently obsessed with along with the combo of getting "zombieland" in his Easter basket and the occurance on Easter morning of Jesus raised from the dead. It can be entertaining and almost educational with the way Will instructs all of us, but it has also got me prepared am i for the Zombie Revolution? Would I survive longer than my 9 year old son? Do we have enough axes? We don't even own a shotgun! Who would we trust? It truly raises a lot of questions...Will already has a list of rules for himself. I wonder if i, too, should have a list? Would my list resemble Columbus' list in "zombieland"? Obviously, mine would have to be a little different if my whole family is to survive as well. MDH and i will probably have to compromise on some of the rules. I hate to compromise, but I'm getting the hang of it.

Anyway...I am off work today with no voice, so I have a lot of time to think about it. Advil cold & sinus has a fair amount of psuedoephedrine in it, so i know there will not be sleeping involved. Maybe I'll come up with my list. I might just play Lydia and be happy. it seems like a good day to sew, too.

Friday, April 9, 2010

the fountain


wild talents

there is the new video that i can't seem to upload here....
and a new song will be posted in 5-4-3-2-.....

wet flesh snowburns

2 Corinthians 4:16-17, "...we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. (NIV)

i had felt doomed= like the ground was opening up and swallowing me whole!
turns out i am just overly dramatic and sometimes forget that the bumps are meant to teach me things and scars will remind me when nothing else does. there is never an ending, only new beginnings. God wants something else for me, there is a grand plan. though i am not privy to the plan, i trust and rely on God to know better than i do what my heart desires and what is best for me.

here's to not having a drummer! and great things that happen when two in a room create walls of sound...

Thursday, April 8, 2010

today i am in love with...

i have a bad habit of forgetting to blog...that might be a good habit, i dunno. except i get on her and check to see what your blog says and what new great music you are finding to listen to and then i go check it all out and forget to tell you what i love...
i am selfish, what can i say?


i am so in love with besnard lakes....

this is a video matt and i did on my macbook with the camera on it because we don't own a video camera. we tried just straight recording, but the sound sucked, so we plugged in thru the 4 track into the imovie and it sounds pretty good. we are so experimenting with ways to record right now. we have been getting better sound quality and are learning from our mistakes. one mistake we can't seem to learn from is that our drummer is probably not our drummer. every time i start thinking of him as a friend and our drummer, he goes awol on us for weeks at a time. after almost 5 weeks and not hearing from him, i don't know what to think about him anymore. all i can do is pray for him that whatever is going on with him is a good thing for him even if it is a bad thing for us...

in the meantime, i have been playing some mad tambourine and hoping for the best! and today i am pulling out a snare and matt has a 5 gallon bucket, we will just play on and make percussion however we can and when needed.

Monday, March 22, 2010

king of the delta blues

we just finished a new song...i posted it late last night on myspace. it feels spectacular to know Matt & I can record a song, do a rough mix, plug it into my macbook ,mix it and post it! pretty sweet! I mean, we are finally getting good sounds out of our 4 track, after much practice, finally progress. in the rest of my head sits the idea for the pictures and a video...and what Lurancy might do next! also, possibilties...for shows and collaborations. for recording new songs. for combining visual art with audio art!

Sunday, March 21, 2010

it's been awhile...

i realized i haven't written here in awhile and today, i was looking to see if Poms had put up any new vids from SXSW. I got 2 texts in 2 days- one about Cymbals Eat Guitars with a pic and the other about a band featuring J. Mascis (my hero) and Thurston Moore (married to my heroine)...
I got a new bass, her name is Lydia, oh Lydia. She is an Epiphone Viola, a Hofner copy. and she is a beauty! she sounds so good! so GREAT, really! learning to play, learning where notes are, what is what, how to not get shocked by pushing the "polarity" button before I attempt to sing n play. That was a shocking lesson! ha

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Friday, January 8, 2010

jim dine!

I am so in love with jim dine!

oh, kelly!

My friend, Kelly, has done mosaics all over the place!! One of my favorite mosaics ever is at Essex Studios and was so pleasantly surprised to find out it is hers!! She is a beautiful, amazing woman and I love her so!!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

as the snow fell...

i stood outside alone last night...
i watched the flakes fall like glitter out of the night sky.
it was cold and calm, quiet
i could hear God whispering with each flake
"i love you"