Friday, September 17, 2010

the Bully

I get all crazy trying to work some stuff out. I will roll numbers in my head until they no longer make sense. I will obsess on where our paychecks will go. I budget our money and depend on my good brain to do so. It is very rare that I ask God for help in this area of my life. I take classes and copy worksheets, I plan for our savings and all the things i think we need. What I do for my family in this way is not relying on God at all, but on myself. Today, I am going to rely on God to guide me in all things financial.

Tomorrow, I may forget.

I must make habits of relying on God. I am trying to quit smoking and by try I mean I dream about it, time out smoke breaks, only smoke outside (mostly) and buy nicotine replacement therapy. What I don't do is ask God to take it from me....I swear I heard God sigh at me yesterday and say go buy the darn gum then. Let's see if that will help, at least it's a start. I did it. Maybe it is a start. I smoked 8 cigarettes instead of 30. I prayed a little, not a lot. In my experience, God will help me if I ask him to so sometimes, when I am on the fence, I just don't ask. He knows my heart and watches me struggle. I'd like to think he may even laugh at me. But sometimes, he gets stern and that's when I know he is saying you are going to quit doing this...somehow, someway I know I will, too. Right now, I am just being stubborn...

The rest of my head is thinking about Will and bullying. The bus stop was a bad place to be this morning and I watched as the other kids made a circle around my son and encouraged a girl to punch him in the stomach. I felt the rage welling up inside of me as she hit him. Then I walked over and calmly asked her to walk up the street to talk to her mom. I want to control this situation, but I know I can't. It hurts to watch it, but this is one I know I must let God handle. My son needs to learn some lessons and so do these other kids. I can't not do anything and let it happen, I also can't control other people. Please help me see the treasures in each of these situations, God and help me see the lessons you have made just for me.

I miss IK.

Matthew 6:25-27, "That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life--whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are?" (NLT)

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