Friday, April 16, 2010

thank you God

You have provided all I ever needed. You know my heart and each of its desires. You see through me into me and think I am good enough to live inside. You fill my ears with beautiful songs, you whisper the truth you want me to see. thank you for loving me just as I am, for believing in me!

Monday, April 12, 2010


this morning...

..i have no voice. it started as a slow burn 4 days ago, then it buried itself deep in my chest and festered there, until this morning, where it feels like a deep chest slow burn that Ripley couldn't rip out. Hence, I got to take a break from the drone of working for a large, corporate coffee chain and stay home today. problem is, I have no 3 year old daughter can't hear me, the dogs can't hear me and ironically?, the only thing that calms the burning beast is more burning, so i light a cigarette and drink some coffee. i know both of these things can't be good for my chest or throat, but without sufficient cause to stop, i will probably do both of these things every morning until i die.
the problematics of no voice are not that hard to deal with, unless you are a singer. then it gets tricky. i hope this will go away by tomorrow night- practice night. we couldn't practice last night due to current conditions in my throat. and last week, the same conditions existed in the head and sinuses of matt. i say practice, but what i really mean is play. and what i mean by play is live! there is something about the small room we rent filled with different musical apparatus that lends itself to my life...that lets me release all the hold downs, all the parental responsibilities thru the makes up for all the dishes washed, all the sweeping and mopping, all of the menu thinking and preparing, the frantic pickups and dropoffs, the decisions, oh, the decisions! when i stand in that little room or drape across a chair, waiting for the playback or the hunched over sketchbook writing, mostly the's like all the little locomotives of life are pushed along by this one big engine, reminding me of Gordon, the Big Blue Engine who gets many a small engine out of trouble on the Island of Sodor. Yes, it's a children's book reference...I have read them all many times.

For a time now, a common subject at the dinner table has been the Zombie Revolution. The topic ranges from survival to detailed ways in the bloodshed of Zombies. This can be accredited to a handful of games that Will is currently obsessed with along with the combo of getting "zombieland" in his Easter basket and the occurance on Easter morning of Jesus raised from the dead. It can be entertaining and almost educational with the way Will instructs all of us, but it has also got me prepared am i for the Zombie Revolution? Would I survive longer than my 9 year old son? Do we have enough axes? We don't even own a shotgun! Who would we trust? It truly raises a lot of questions...Will already has a list of rules for himself. I wonder if i, too, should have a list? Would my list resemble Columbus' list in "zombieland"? Obviously, mine would have to be a little different if my whole family is to survive as well. MDH and i will probably have to compromise on some of the rules. I hate to compromise, but I'm getting the hang of it.

Anyway...I am off work today with no voice, so I have a lot of time to think about it. Advil cold & sinus has a fair amount of psuedoephedrine in it, so i know there will not be sleeping involved. Maybe I'll come up with my list. I might just play Lydia and be happy. it seems like a good day to sew, too.

Friday, April 9, 2010

the fountain


wild talents

there is the new video that i can't seem to upload here....
and a new song will be posted in 5-4-3-2-.....

wet flesh snowburns

2 Corinthians 4:16-17, "...we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. (NIV)

i had felt doomed= like the ground was opening up and swallowing me whole!
turns out i am just overly dramatic and sometimes forget that the bumps are meant to teach me things and scars will remind me when nothing else does. there is never an ending, only new beginnings. God wants something else for me, there is a grand plan. though i am not privy to the plan, i trust and rely on God to know better than i do what my heart desires and what is best for me.

here's to not having a drummer! and great things that happen when two in a room create walls of sound...

Thursday, April 8, 2010

today i am in love with...

i have a bad habit of forgetting to blog...that might be a good habit, i dunno. except i get on her and check to see what your blog says and what new great music you are finding to listen to and then i go check it all out and forget to tell you what i love...
i am selfish, what can i say?


i am so in love with besnard lakes....

this is a video matt and i did on my macbook with the camera on it because we don't own a video camera. we tried just straight recording, but the sound sucked, so we plugged in thru the 4 track into the imovie and it sounds pretty good. we are so experimenting with ways to record right now. we have been getting better sound quality and are learning from our mistakes. one mistake we can't seem to learn from is that our drummer is probably not our drummer. every time i start thinking of him as a friend and our drummer, he goes awol on us for weeks at a time. after almost 5 weeks and not hearing from him, i don't know what to think about him anymore. all i can do is pray for him that whatever is going on with him is a good thing for him even if it is a bad thing for us...

in the meantime, i have been playing some mad tambourine and hoping for the best! and today i am pulling out a snare and matt has a 5 gallon bucket, we will just play on and make percussion however we can and when needed.