Wednesday, March 30, 2011

to have and to hold

The future is not here, the future is not ours.

Wild Talents had the pleasure of playing with Great Young Hunters and our new, fabulous friends....Glowfriends! I am listening to their album "To Have and To Hold" right now! Embracing all things shoegazey, lovely, dreamy......

Yesterday, I made some things.
A banner for my keyboard stand with a happy skeleton dancing.
Three Owlys.
Two Mermaids.
Two Top Secret Gifts.
I wish I could post some pictures, but MDH is on a retreat and he took the awesome camera...
Today, I am thankful for many gifts.
I am in love with my life.
If it gets any better, I might spontaneously combust.
Or start some fires.
With my mind.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

a grand reflection

How I view the world is a direct reflection of how I view myself. On a smaller , less grand scale, how I see you is how I see me. When I am frustrated by you, it isn't you at all, but me. On my nerves, your voice, outer shell, inner turmoil, flip flops, shorts in the winter, beehive hairdos, silver lame, too pointy, too flat, too long, too fat, overbearing, tasteless, loud, inappropriate, too dramatic, unforgiving, addicted, bland, unable, lazy, messy, you bother me. I bother me.

I complain and the words say your name, I snap and you get the anger built up from years of fear and doubt, how can this be about you when I have only just met you? It clearly isn't. I get unhappy with me and take it out on the world. My gossip mouth, my rage driving, my mall unrest, my call in sick in the morning, my didn't have time for breakfast, my too much coffee, not enough water, my you are better than me, my "i wish i had (insert your stuff here)", my list of what it takes to be ok, my fear, my internal lie.

A little white lie I whisper to will never be good enough, skinny enough, pretty enough, funny enough, stylish enough. Look at magazines, consume, buy, longing for the perfect dress, the perfect boots, the perfect hair, the prefect perfect. There is no perfect I can purchase and nothing worth longing for that I don't already have. My distraction is my inner voice, full of disdain and dishonesty. I dismiss myself, easily.

I am beautifully and wonderfully made.

Friday, March 18, 2011

some things i love...dearly

I made this for my nephew forthcoming!

I love Etsy! I shop there, I sell there. Etsy is so cool! If you are on my list for Christmas, you will get something from Etsy..or the Bucks. When I'm looking for inspiration, I have to limit my time on Etsy cos I could stay there allllllll day, swept away by other folks creations! Etsy teaches me how to build a better business, too!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

all the love in the world

When I read " Heaven and Earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away", my heart feels full. Some days, I feel infinite sadness at those words. I hear the first part and not the second, today, I am lucky enough to have listened to all of the words. I am a truth seeker, I have belief in things I cannot see. I believe there is a Creator, a Spirit of the Universe, A Universal Love that although I may not be able to physically see a form of this great entity, I know I can feel it. I believe you can, too, if you open your eyes to see. I woke up one day and asked for the help I longed for and my Lord was there. I thought I wasn't good enough for Love, much less unconditional Love from the very God who created me. I thought he Loved you and I thought perhaps I Loved you, but I was blocked from the sunlight by many great, black clouds. My black clouds were lined with whiskey, it kept me warm many nights. When I'm full of whiskey, I don't Love you, I don't Love me and I don't believe God Loves me, so I can't Love him. When the whiskey stopped working, I turned to narcotics. The narcotics stopped working, so I turned to self. I am broken so I can't fix me and I wallow in a place like purgatory, a place of can't live with or without. I am so broken and so beaten that the only thing I haven't tried is Love. That's when I am so sad, I cry out to God and like Jesus before me, ask "Lord, why have you forsaken me?" That's when he lets me know he has been here all along. Through all of the heartache and frustration and pain, he walked with me. I just had my eyes shut, tightly. Today, with eyes wide open, I can see the light of everyday. I can wake up knowing that God gave Jesus to me and the world so we wouldn't have to live without him. I am so thankful that I don't have to. I have all the Love in the world. It was made just for me.

"You have been permitted to understand the secrets of the Kingdom of Heaven, but others have not.” Matthew 13:11 (NLT)

Thursday, March 10, 2011

lost and found

I crawled out into the light of the morning, sunbeams stretching across an open sky, reaching for my face, my hands, every strand on my head, each eyelash, my body warming after a long, cold night. I unfolded myself and stretched out, listening to the waves of the Mississippi lap the shore. Blades of grass felt singular to my fingertips, early day silence broken by church bells and caliope practice. A bustle drifted across the wind, reminding me of the festivities around me. Looking across the swirls of currents, I wondered what the town across the river was like. Surely, it heard New Orleans waking up. Like me, it probably didn't get much sleep either. This city has a way like that, making vampires of us all.

I fumbled in my pockets, found a smoke and lit it. I exhaled and the smoke traveled upstream. Now was a good time for exploring, before the revelry starts again. Walking towards the market, I discovered unforgotten treasury in my pockets and thought of the only French I retained. Il est don mon poche. Enough for a tall boy, much needed. My hands had started their shaky dance and my eyes were swimming, unfocused and hazy, much like the days of my life. My senses working overtime as the smells from large pots of jambalaya and alligator on a stick stands filled my nose. Moving along the outskirts, I wandered past the cafe shaped like a giant cat, past wrought iron fences and fancy scrollwork framed houses, past the street cleaners and the broken beads. I drink the tall boy and feel the burn spread through my aching body. I had dreams about this city, fancy, scrollwork parades for Bacchus on cobblestoned streets, costumed, masquerading, top hats and stilt walkers, drum processions, laughing marionettes, galleries and VooDoo shops with gator paws and magic spells, dragon floats and papier mache heads bobbing, harlequins glittering, burlesque and sparkling, an extravaganza!

I drank them away with Turbo Dog and dirty boys, I drank them away on the muddy banks of the Mississippi, I drank them away in gondolas, alone. I drank away love and hope and friendships, I drank away the beads and the bustle and the street performers. I drank away possibilities and I drank away God.

Jeremiah 33:3, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

Saturday, March 5, 2011

put a bird on it

Hello Owly!

This little Owly looks like she likes books, but I think she may be more a gamer....

she goes up on Etsy today, along with a bunch of adorable Monsters and other Owlys.

Friday, March 4, 2011

twisted will

talk about twisted!

lovely lunches

All the birds in the skies were singing, swirling overhead in wild flight patterns, in unison, tumbling like acrobats, pure grace and theatrics. Like children playing, unnoticed, continuing the dance of wings and feathers, natural and dreamy. Wishing I could be like birds, singing unconventionally, swooping, stirring the treetops, being fellow to bats and foe to locusts...I am dreaming, lulled by chirps and drawn out "ah-hoooo, ah-hoooo" flit, ti-ti-ti-ti, the musings of an ebo, no batteries needed. A loon calls out and another answers as the water gurgles. Lightly, she lands on top of the water and rests on the small wake of the waves. Peaceful, calming.

Under the surface, down in the deep, muddy waters, a dark history still present, relative to dinosaurs, a killer waits. A landing stirs the senses, breaking the silence, clawed feet move effortlessly through the water. What seems clumsy and ugly on land is beauty in motion under currents. Only seconds pass as webbed feet push the heavy body forward, upwards. Monstrous jaws break the surface, snapping around a startled fowl, no fight, only lunch, changing the meaning of birds of prey.