Tuesday, March 15, 2011

all the love in the world

When I read " Heaven and Earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away", my heart feels full. Some days, I feel infinite sadness at those words. I hear the first part and not the second, today, I am lucky enough to have listened to all of the words. I am a truth seeker, I have belief in things I cannot see. I believe there is a Creator, a Spirit of the Universe, A Universal Love that although I may not be able to physically see a form of this great entity, I know I can feel it. I believe you can, too, if you open your eyes to see. I woke up one day and asked for the help I longed for and my Lord was there. I thought I wasn't good enough for Love, much less unconditional Love from the very God who created me. I thought he Loved you and I thought perhaps I Loved you, but I was blocked from the sunlight by many great, black clouds. My black clouds were lined with whiskey, it kept me warm many nights. When I'm full of whiskey, I don't Love you, I don't Love me and I don't believe God Loves me, so I can't Love him. When the whiskey stopped working, I turned to narcotics. The narcotics stopped working, so I turned to self. I am broken so I can't fix me and I wallow in a place like purgatory, a place of can't live with or without. I am so broken and so beaten that the only thing I haven't tried is Love. That's when I am so sad, I cry out to God and like Jesus before me, ask "Lord, why have you forsaken me?" That's when he lets me know he has been here all along. Through all of the heartache and frustration and pain, he walked with me. I just had my eyes shut, tightly. Today, with eyes wide open, I can see the light of everyday. I can wake up knowing that God gave Jesus to me and the world so we wouldn't have to live without him. I am so thankful that I don't have to. I have all the Love in the world. It was made just for me.

"You have been permitted to understand the secrets of the Kingdom of Heaven, but others have not.” Matthew 13:11 (NLT)

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