I am troubled by many things, earthly things, when I am not trusting and relying on God. Now, don't get me wrong, even when my faith is strong and I know in my heart that God will work it all out, one way or another, I can still think about the bothersome world around me. The difference is that I am not pushing my will around like a steam roller, flattening everything in my path to get my way. I understand that I do not always see the big picture.
I have spent a bit of time with my relatives and it can be truly painful. I watch the squabble and self-induced drama. I stand back, glad to be able to keep a safe distance from it all. Then, I go home and I am so thankful for my family that isn't like that.
This week, I have gotten to sit at my dad's bedside while he is in the hospital. For many years, my dad and I did not see eye to eye, mostly because my dad wasn't taking opiates and I was. It is very hard to see eye to eye with anyone when you are high and they are not. This caused me to believe my father doesn't love me very much. It turns out we didn't really know each other very well. (the same can be said about my relationship with my other Father, the heavenly one, but I wanna talk about my dad right now. ) In a room alone, the two of us, talking and laughing, we learned some things about each other. I know where I get my dry and often dark sense of humor from. I know I am intense because he is. There are so many things about his life I want to know. Watching him struggle shows me time is precious. The life changes I have been given have lead me straight here- I cannot ignore the constraints of time and human bodies. I will make the drive to spend time with the ones I love. It shouldn't take a catastrophe to bring me to it. Just sometimes it does.
I could now go into a big tirade about the oil spill and how it changes things, but that would just be too much for one day. Besides, I wanna have something to talk to my dad about tonight!
1 Kings 19:11-13, "The LORD said, 'Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by. Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake.
After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, 'What are you doing here, Elijah?'" (NIV)